I have a friend who calls Beebe Baloo, “The Bee.” Not only that, she suggests that The Bee should get more newspaper space than my alter ego, Nurse Judy, who lives in a fantasy world where she is a charming enchantress.
Now, you all know how infuriated I get with Nurse Judy so at first I felt this might be a viable plan.
I could get back at Nurse Judy by keeping her out of the spotlight – and I could give my sweet kitty more publicity. I decided to research the idea.
First I found out that bees are busy, cooperative and social animals.
Beebe Baloo does not fit this description at all.
He is completely independent, prefers napping to almost any other endeavor and is social only when he wants something from you.
He has never worked with a group to achieve some common goal.
I try to picture him taking over my columns completely. His laziness would seem to preclude this. I have a hard time cajoling him from his naps long enough to get one column a month out of him.
He is not a busy bee or a worker bee.
Besides that he is not a spelling bee. I constantly have to correct his spelling.
He might be a Queen Bee, but he is the wrong sex. Besides Nurse Judy fills that role completely.
I just can’t picture him as a newspaper man. He loves to rip up newspapers and strew their remains around the house.
He is not a political bee, but this may be an attack on fake news. I just don’t know.
I might get him to work for The Hub as a quilting bee, but the only thing I’ve seen him do with a quilt is sleep on it.
He has no artistic ability unless it entails making muddy paw prints on pristine floors.
He can’t sing or dance except for yelling for food and dancing around my feet when I’m trying to feed him.
I don’t think he could work for The Hub.
I think about the phrase “Bee in her bonnet.”
Is there anything he could write about using this bee trait? Of course there is.
He loves to play with my hair while I’m sleeping. Perhaps he could do a column for all the hairdressers in town.
I immediately realize that my hair is a terrible mess after he works on it throughout the night. I’m afraid he’d be a failure in this milieu also.
He could be a real bee in the bonnet since he would make everyone crazy!
Still there is not much call for a column for the beefuddled.
As The Bee, he might be a hit in the Beehive State, but he is adverse to change. He would never move to Utah.
His only real bee trait is when he makes a beeline straight to his food bowl.
I can’t see this turning into a career.
I turn to the definition of “diva.”
This is someone who is fashionable, a beauty, temperamental, outspoken and a bit conceited – a prima donna.
This definition fits Nurse Judy’s fantasy persona to a tee.
I guess I’ll have to stick to her three times a month and The Bee will still get his column once a month.
I have to go with the one who gives me more fodder.
Sorry, Beebe Baloo. Your beeline does not qualify as a byline.
By Judy Conlin