I have been putting up with my arrogant alter-ego, Nurse Judy’s insults for years, but I think I have reached a point where I am now sick and tired of it and I think that my age may be helping me out.
You all know how Nurse Judy insists on the most extreme feminine, razzle-dazzle, fluffy, ruffled, and made-from-sheer, lacy exotic fabrics covered with buttons, bows, sequins, and gemstones clothing.
Her shoe fetish is beyond belief and occupies about an acre of my three-acre lot (that may be a little exaggerated but it may be closer than you think).
She also has to match everything from underwear to shoes, gloves, purses, hats, jackets, jewelry, and now even face masks.
Nurse Judy also believes in stilettos and bikinis, something that would be way beyond my capacity at this time in my life.
I didn’t wear bikinis in my best of days and those were long ago.
Even my polka-dotted one-piece swimsuits are stretched to capacity so that those small polka dots are now enormous threadbare ovals.
Today I see many Floridians on the beach wearing caftans and long skirts and halters. I think even I could fit in there.
While I have described Nurse Judy’s sense of style, I, on the other hand, prefer my stained old robe held together by safety pins worn with a pair of men’s house slippers.
Of course, I realize this is not streetwear and I do not wear it on the street except to take out the garbage and in emergencies – none of which I can come up with at the moment, but I am sure there are some.
For streetwear, I can frequently be seen in pants with oversized sweatshirts and other big tops that cover up any ‘unable to be sucked in’ fatty tissue. I also love elastic waists, Mom-jeans, and sweat pants with drawstrings.
In my opinion, comfort beats out fashion on any given day. That’s why Nurse Judy has always labeled me as a frump.
Here’s what makes me think age is helping me out of this frump label I’ve had to wear all these years.
Times are different today. Housewives no longer are in their kitchens with their little frilly aprons over their little frilly frocks. They still cook, but most of them have day jobs where they are often wearing slacks and business jackets.
I wear a lot of jackets myself, not just because they cover up quite a few figure flaws (which I do not admit I have) but because they keep me warm, a condition it is more and more difficult to achieve as I age.
Other citizens seem to be affected by such weather also. It settles in their joints and makes them jacket lovers also.
Another trend that is going by the wayside is the need to be ‘matchy-matchy’. Even fashion magazines say this is no longer in vogue. It is now better to wear contrasting colors in your accessories.
I certainly have never matched anything, and though some of my critics say my accessories are conflicting rather than contrasting, I have definitely met the non-matching criteria.
More and more modern women are keen on exercise and thus wear stylish gym clothing around town and are considered to be quite trendy. It seems that I have been ahead of my time in my oversized overstuffed sweatsuits, although working out has not even entered my mind.
The new rule for jewelry and fripperies is ‘less is more’.
Nurse Judy is so loaded up she looks like one of those salesmen who roll up their sleeve to show all the watches they have to sell.
I, on the other hand, am lucky if I have my one piece of jewelry (a single watch that may or may not be running) adorning my wrist.
I think I have proved my case that as times have changed they are coming closer and closer to my style, rather than to Nurse Judy’s and her crazy overdone fashion sense. What I can’t figure out is why, then, whenever Nurse Judy is still out in the world in her usual over the top silliness, compliments are dished out left and right, but when I am out there in my sensible duds, I am completely overlooked and sometimes (I hate to have to admit this) even laughed at.
As I sit here in my pinned together robe, I have tried polling my audience and the results are not turning out the way I hoped.
Despite my winning argument that I am becoming more trendy than Nurse Judy, the vote remains the same. There are no votes for Nurse Judy as a frump, but they are piling up in my column.
I demand a recount.
There is no justice in the world.